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Question 97

Q: I have an older brother who is having another affair. He’s confided in me about these relationships.

Now he’s involved with a woman at work, but he claims to love his wife and children and doesn’t want to leave them. Of course, they don’t know what my brother’s doing. If they did, they’d be devastated.

What do I do? I can’t live with myself knowing this and not doing anything about it.

Asked by: Larry

A: Well Larry, my heart goes out to you. And you’re in a very, very critical situation, but I do need to tell you first of all, you need to confront your brother.

Think about the fact the he has confided in you—was he expecting to receive some encouragement from you? I don’t think so. You need to go to your brother and help him see the seriousness of what he’s doing. Encourage him to come clean and to speak to a pastor or counselor and then you tell him that if he won’t, you will.

Don’t go to his wife. Instead, go to a pastor or counselor—someone you can trust who is going to help in the midst of this difficult situation. The point is that your brother is going to be exposed at some point anyway. Nobody endlessly gets by with these kinds of sexual relationships.

If he won’t cooperate in the process, you do whatever is necessary to bring some restoration to this and, as I said, do it with the help of a counselor or pastor. You need to understand, Larry, that people who commit adultery like this, who say that they still love their wife, are living in a dream world. It’s almost as if they are in a trance. They kid themselves into believing that “I can still be a good husband, I can still be a good father to my children, even though I’m cheating on the side.” The answer is of course is you can’t. It’s a lie.

Now, Larry, the responsibility rests with you. It’s a heavy responsibility, but God has put you in the position where you must do something. Go to your brother, go to a pastor, and put this nonsense to an end. Your brother might hate you for it, but that’s all right. In the end, if he is rational, he’ll give you thanks.

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