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Question 185

Q: I was a school administrator for a parochial school. I committed adultery that resulted in a child.

The church removed me from my call, and now I’m unemployed. I listened to your program today, and my question is this: should my wife and I tell our children? 

Asked by: John

A: Well, my dear friend, first of all, if your children are going to find out any way, and I suspect they will, it would be best for you to tell them.

It’s certainly better that they hear it from their parents than from friends or through some other route. And you may be paying alimony or child support, and there may be other connections that are involved as a result of what happened, and the children need to know about that.

You’ve not told me how old the children are, and I would say that on the other side of the ledger, if indeed there is no way for your children to ever find out, then I would say that they don’t need to know. I think as long as this difficult issue is resolved between you and your wife, and hopefully you and the church, then that would be sufficient. It is not necessary that our children know everything about their parents and the sins that their parents have committed, but my suspicion is these children will find out anyway. So, I think at some point, when they are at the right age, you just need to tell them.

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