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Question 1

Q: I don’t think I can forgive the men who’ve taken advantage of me.

My last experience was with a man who promised to marry me, but his parents talked him out of it, saying I wasn’t good enough for him. He talked me into being intimate with him, then recently I got an email saying that it’s over and he’s found a woman on the internet. How can God expect me to bear this pain? And why have I been deceived so many times? Pastor Lutzer, I really don’t know where to turn, I don’t know how to be healed.

Asked by: Deborah, Wisconsin

A: Thank you, Deborah, for feeling free to share your pain with me.

Sadly—this is important for you to know—many men today are untrustworthy. I’m sorry I have to say that, but it’s true. I hope that my suggestions will give you a starting place on your path to healing.

The first step sounds simplistic, but it may be the hardest. Give your desire for marriage to God, and that means you may have to live with unfulfilled desires.

Also, because of your relationship with this man, you need to be cleansed by God. Ask the Lord for forgiveness then accept His cleansing. And please, don’t look for another man. Spend that energy on growing closer to God and allowing Him to work in your life.

If God does bring another man into your life, it’s very important that you don’t trust your own instincts; our hearts deceive us. Seek the wisdom and counsel of God and mature Christians that He’s placed in your life.

Obviously you need friendship and acceptance. I hope that you are receiving that through your church. Get involved in the lives of other women; pray together and share in ministry. This is not the time to withdraw and nurse your feelings. Healing comes by healthy relationships and interaction. Share your struggles with those you trust, and you will find help moving forward.

If you do that, in the end, God will honor you. I hope that whether you ever marry or not, your life will be productive and lived for the glory of God.

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