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Question 81

Q: I need reconciliation with my wife who hasn’t talked to me for three years.

For five years she witnessed to me and prayed for me continuously. It wasn’t until I was arrested for a sex crime that I repented of my sins and had to confess to her that I had been unfaithful in our marriage. The Lord answered her prayers for my salvation, but not in the way she planned it.

Although I’m now in prison, I’m growing in the Lord, and my heart belongs to Him. She hasn’t divorced me, but we have no communication. If I hadn’t been put in prison, I wouldn’t have come to Christ. I want to be reconciled to her so we can grow in the Lord together, so now I’m the one praying for her as she did for me for so many years.

Asked by: Homer, North Carolina

A: Isn’t it interesting that no matter how many questions I answer, every one is unique, every one is different.

And here’s one that’s very puzzling because, on the one hand, we see the grace of God in saving this man, yet at the same time we see the ravages of sin.

So Homer, I have a couple of comments for you. First of all, I want you to continue to keep demonstrating to your wife that, as a believer, you are truthful, loving, and deeply repentant. You have to keep that up.

Second, you have to spend some time in your wife’s shoes. She’s been deeply wounded. I mean, during these years, as you yourself confessed, you were being untrue to her, and that has just ravaged her faith and her trust in you. So, please understand that.

I’m glad that she hasn’t divorced you because I think that there’s still hope for your marriage. But I think that it’s very important that you seek some counsel for yourself. Even though you are in prison, maybe you can get in touch with her pastor or a friend who can speak to her. They would be able to say things to her that she might not want to hear from you. This may help her to understand the depth of your own repentance and genuine transformation in God’s presence.

And remember this, Homer, even though we can’t control the response of others, and there’s no guarantee of how your wife will ever proceed or respond, it’s important that your own actions be honoring before the Lord—no matter what. You know, I think of Proverbs 21:3 that tells us to do what is right and just and acceptable to the Lord. In fact, it says that to do that is better than sacrifice. God bless you brother. I pray that you and your wife will be reconciled.

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