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Question 94

Q: I haven’t made good choices in my relationships, but now I’ve met a wonderful Christian man I’d like to marry and he wants to marry me.

My problem is this: through a set of circumstances, I’ve come across some text messages he’s sent to other women. In one instance, he was planning to meet one of these ladies. He claims that he has maintained these friendly relationships and that they’re not competition. But still, he keeps referring to how beautiful these other women are, and it makes me very uneasy.

He claims to love me exclusively, but he doesn’t want to completely break with these other relationships. What should I do?

Asked by: Susan

A: Susan, throw that fish back into the lake, all right?

Here’s a man who says he loves you exclusively, and yet he’s willing to keep contact with other women despite it making you feel uncomfortable.

Here’s the bottom line: if you mean that much to him, he would be willing to give up these other relationships that make you feel uncomfortable. By continuing the relationships, it shows that he really doesn’t love you exclusively after all. And if he’s unwilling to break off these relationships before you marry him, imagine what it’s going to be like after you marry him.

You know what I would do Susan? I’d get on my knees and thank God that He gave you a red flag. God sometimes gives us red flags. You know, when I counsel couples when a marriage goes sour, sometimes I ask them, “Weren’t there some indications that the person was going to be that way?” And they say, “Yeah, there were in our courting days, but I ignored them.”

Don’t ignore this. I believe that this relationship has to end. Give it to God, end it, and move on.

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