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Question 132

Q: Do I commit a sin if I sing at a person’s wedding who’s getting married for the second time?

Will I be punished by God for taking part in the wedding?

Asked by: Dee


A: Well, Dee, your question is a very good one and it’s been faced by many, many people.

Let me start by saying that I believe that there are instances where you can sing at a wedding where someone who is divorced is being remarried. I take the point of view that, sometimes, it is possible for a person to remarry after divorce without sinning, but that’s a separate story.

As I try to read between the lines of your letter, maybe what you are saying is that this person is consummating an immoral relationship, maybe what you are saying is that you can’t agree with a person that your friend is marrying. If that’s the case, then you have a real dilemma on your hands and I would say, to some extent, it is a matter of conscience.

If you sing at this wedding, it does imply that you are giving approval to this wedding. Even though you’re not tying the knot, it appears as if you are giving approval to what is happening. And because of that, I think it is a matter of conscience. If you, in the depths of your soul, cannot support this wedding, if you believe it is a mistake, if you believe it is adulterous, then I don’t think that you should sing.

If you look at this wedding, and though you may not agree with whom the new spouse will be, you still see it as an honorable relationship, and if the person being married has sought counsel and guidance, though different from yours, then maybe you can sing. Because you can say to yourself, “I’m not the one who is tying the knot, I’m here for my friend.” And so, before God, you have to follow your conscience.

There’s another part of your question though that’s a little troubling to me. You end by saying, “Will I be punished by God for taking part in the wedding?” Dee, I don’t think God is in heaven just waiting for an opportunity to punish us. If you seek God regarding the answer to your question and follow your conscience, even if you do the second best, then God understands. God does not judge us line by line, vengeance for vengeance. He deals with us as His children, and disciplines us, and brings us through the discipline. So I think you also have to look at God differently.

The bottom line is to seek God, seek counsel, follow your conscience and be obedient to it.

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