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Question 117

Q: I have a 28-year-old daughter who’s madly in love with an older man, about 60, who lost his wife to cancer about a year ago.

I keep telling her that the age difference here is important. My daughter is a Christian and I doubt that this man is, even though he’s sympathetic to my daughter’s faith.

I have two questions: what should I tell her about the age difference, and what shall I tell her about preparing for the reality that this might not work out? Because he’s rich and good looking, she’s not the only possibility in his life.

Asked by: Cynthia


A: I really do think that your daughter is in a trance here. She’s living in a bubble of unreality.

You know, sometimes it’s said that neurotics build castles in the air and psychotics live in them. And perhaps it’s the other way around, but either way, I don’t think that your daughter is facing reality.

First of all, I did the math and there’s 32 years difference in their ages. That’ll become even more important as time moves on. Also, you say he’s nice but that you’re not even sure if he is a Christian, and a man like that, yes, he does have other possibilities.

The bottom line: I suspect that this relationship will not go anywhere and actually it’s best that it won’t. I think that your daughter is best served by preparing her for the fact that it might not work out, helping her to realize that there are two barriers that exist toward this marriage, his age and his distant relationship to the Christian faith.
God wants us to be wise in our choices. Help your daughter to simply see that reality, even though it’s painful, is often much better than living in a dream world when the bubble breaks.

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